Clownophobia

Kim got red corduroy pants, and I called them clown pants...

Kim: What?? A clown? I don't want to look like a clown...
me: Even a small, cute clown?
Kim: No, people are afraid of clowns.
me: Who's afraid of clowns?
Kim: All kinds of people. Clownophobia.
me: What?
Kim: Well...I think there's a real word, but I don't know what it is.

My drink drink

As Kim was waking up from a nap on the couch, just before the Texas Tech game:

me: Can I get you something? A drink, maybe?
Kim: ...yeah...
me: Okay, what flavor of drink would you like?
Kim: <pointing to her cup from earlier> ...ummm...that's my drink drink...
me: What?
Kim: You know, what my drink goes in.
me: You mean your cup?
Kim: Yeah, same.

In case your kisser was broken

I leaned in to kiss Kim on the cheek...

me: Um, did you just make a kissing noise, too?
Kim: Yeah
me: Why?
Kim: Just in case...just in case your kisser was broken!

This is the pokey-pants-est website

That is, slowest

Stop, stop, stop! I want to say good job!

During the Texas Tech game there was a long running touchdown. The following commentary ensued:

Kim: Woah! Did you see that? He went so fast! He almost fell down. And then his friend tried to catch him. He said "Stop, stop, stop! I want to say 'good job!'" It was tough!

Racerbackier-osaurus

Looking at Texas Tech t-shirts online:

me: well, this one is good, but it's not really a racer-back
Kim: yeah, probly the other one is better. the racerbackier one.
me: what?
Kim: racerbackier.
me: is that like a dinosaur?
Kim: yeah.
me: is it a mean one?
Kim: no. stripes. it's friendly.

Elvis is dead

Elvis Andrus advanced to third on a David Murphy sac-fly:

me: Oh! David Murphy....flied out to shallow center.
Kim: But Elvis is running! He's fast, that one.
me: Which one?
Kim: That Elvis.
me: Which Elvis?
Kim: That one.
me: Are there other Elvises?
Kim: Yeah, but they're all dead.
me: All of them?
Kim: Well, the main one.

A whole buncha Waldos...

Watching the end of the USA-Mexico soccer match, as the US team celebrated a 1-0 victory in their red and white striped jerseys:

Kim: That's good job for them. Although they do look like "Where's Waldo?"...a whole buncha Waldos...

Orange juice smells like bananas

Immediately after waking up, I went out and drank the rest of the orange juice, and walked back to our bedroom:

me: I had some orange juice, and now I am energized.
Kim: Maybe I could have some, too, to be energized?
me: ....
Kim: You drank it all, didn't you?
me: Yeah...I can breathe on you, and you can smell it.
Kim: Ew, gross, no. Orange juice smells like bananas.

I locked myself out

Getting out of the car, after pulling into our driveway, I locked the doors to our car before Kim had opened her door to get out. She unlocked her door and got out of the car.

Kim: What are you doing? You locked me in!
me: Oh, sorry...
Kim: It's okay, I locked myself out!

Squeaky flusher

Our pipes make a humming sound after you flush the toilet, and we're not sure why.

Kim: also, another thing we should do is to get a plumber to come take a look at our..squeaky...flusher

He made spider juice all over my shoe

*Wham*

me: What was that?
Kim: I killed a spider.
me: All by yourself? Good job!
Kim: Yeah, but now he made juice on my shoe...
me: What was that?
Kim: He made spider juice all over my shoe!

He's just a noisy guy, I dunno...

After Kim's tummy made a primal growling sound, she turned around a looked sheepishly at me:

me: Ummm....what was that?
Kim: That's my tummy. Again. He says, "Thank you for the gentle fingers" this time.
me: Oh my goodness, that was loud.
Kim: It wasn't that loud...
me: You have the loudest tummy of anyone I have ever met.
Kim: He's just a noisy guy, I dunno...

Gentle fingers parade

I am sitting at the piano in our extra room, and Kim is lying on the floor after doing some cleaning, next to where I'm sitting. She was down there after I had popped her back and rubbed her shoulders a little bit. She sticks her feet up and put them in my lap.

Kim: 'scue me, could you give these feet the gentle fingers? They got left out of the gentle fingers p-- (stops herself).
me: What was that? Were you going to say "gentle fingers parade"?
Kim: (sheepish smile) Yes...
me: Gentle fingers parade? Why is it a parade?
Kim: I don't even know! There weren't any animals in it or anything...

I don't believe in numbers

me: Why are you wrinkling your nose at me?
Kim: Well I don't know...
me: Are those old lady wrinkles?
Kim: No, no, I doubt it.
me: How old are you?
Kim: Pretty young, yeah, probly...
me: Well, what number?
Kim: Oh, I don't believe in numbers.
me: Don't you have a math degree?
Kim: Yes, but math isn't about numbers. That's arithmetic.

You have a full chocolate mouth, and you're trying to steal my Peepster!

I'll let that stand for itself.

Bugs of the ocean

Kim was telling me about a dream she had:

Kim: Yeah, it was really scary. There were all these huge bugs. I think they came from when we saw the crabs on Iron Chef America last night. Because crabs are like the bugs of the ocean.
me: Bugs of the ocean?
Kim: Yeah, and they wouldn't die!

Worm time!

Walking on campus with Kim, I spotted a green inchworm, hanging by a long inchworm thread from a tree, blowing in the wind. This led us to a discussion on how Kim marks the seasons by the prevalence of certain insects.

me: Woah, look at that guy. It's like a worm kite!

Kim: Yeah, it's that time.

me: What time is that?

Kim: It's worm time!

me: Ha, worm time?

Kim: Yeah, what's funny about that?

me: Is that like, "lightning bug time"? (a reference to a previous, similar comment)

Kim: Oooh, yes, I like lightning bug time. That's in the summer.

Pewter

Kim: I need my pewter.

me: What?

Kim: My pewter. But I will just use my phone.

me: Where did I find you?

Kim: In Texas!

me: Do people in Texas say "pewter" instead of "computer"?

Kim: Yeah, all the smart ones do.

Bigger lights

When we are watching Criminal Minds, Kim often makes observations of things she would do if she were an FBI agent. These are especially humorous, since she is terrified of spiders. During a recent episode, we observed that the tiny flashlights the FBI agents had were not effective in lighting up the dark room they were exploring.

me: Can't they get bigger lights? Those things are pretty little.

Kim: Yeah. If I were an FBI agent, I would get bigger lights.

me: If you were an FBI agent, you would get a giant bullet-proof ball, and roll around in it like a hamster.

Kim: Haha, yeah. And it would have bigger lights on it.

--

While reading this blog post:

Kim: Whaddaya mean, because I'm afraid of spiders?

me: Well, I'm just saying you wouldn't make a very good FBI agent.

Kim: That's not clear at all, I think most people are afraid of spiders.